“Let me not Pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless in facing them”. – Rabindranath Tagore
A few days ago I got the phone call that made my heart stop. Perhaps in the back of my mind I knew it was coming. It has been on my mind for two long months. Yet still to receive the news and to hear that dreadful word cancer that cuts through your heart like a knife, has set my world into a dark, painful, frightened stage. A life of the unknown. Of sleepless nights. Of dreadful “what if’s”. Of inner turmoil and angst.
No one ever wants to hear the news that someone you dearly love has cancer. It is a life-threatening disease that evokes fear within people and unfortunately is not too uncommon. Sadly, each year over 12.7 million people are diagnosed with cancer. Some survive. Some do not.
So where does that bring me? Learning that someone I love unbelievably much has cancer? I would be lying if I said that I’m ok. This week has been hell. I’ve cried. I’ve been afraid. I’ve had sleepless nights of anxiety and concern. I’ve wanted to curl up in a ball and hide. I’ve not wanted to see people. To talk to people. I’ve put on a facade. A happy face on the outside while I’ve been bleeding on the inside. I’ve felt so utterly alone.
But I’ve learned that I can’t keep it a secret anymore. Life isn’t always a cup of tea. We all know that life is a mix of good and bad. Hopefully, we all will get more good than bad. It is all a matter of how you face the highs and lows that make the difference. It is all about keeping a positive attitude and never ever giving up hope. Once you do, you’re done.
“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path”. – Buddha
Like most people, I’ve had my share of highs and lows in life. During some of my most serious lows, I never knew how I would possibly make it through. But I did. And I’m stronger because of it. Every terrible time in my life has taught me something surprising. How incredibly strong I am. A strength I never knew I had until I got through my worst fears and times, and thankfully everything turned out fine.
As I head into this dark week of the unknown and await the results of a biopsy which will tell us more of where this awful disease is at, I try to remain strong. I try to not let those scary thoughts drift into my mind and create a downward spiral into darkness. Instead, I will do my best to be strong, positive and hopeful that they have caught the cancer early like they did for my mother 30 years ago, and that my father, a man who I love with all my heart, will be fine. That we will be hiking the highest mountains together once again, and proving that life isn’t all too bad. In fact, life can be grand.