The Diary of a Happy Mom: 40 and Beyond

The trials and tribulations of an adventurous modern mom

The Clouds have Lifted

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains”.  – Anne Frank

Sunset on Lake Harriet, Minneapolis, MN

The last six months have taught me many things. Painful lessons I didn’t want to learn but had no choice but to endure.  A reminder of life’s fleeting moments on this earth and how life can quickly change and turn your world upside down. A realization of the importance of enjoying each and every day and trying to live in the moment instead of the future or past. A reminder of what is most important in life and an incessant urge to hold on as tight as possible to what and who you love without letting go. A loss of oneself and being. In a metaphorical sense, a continual cloudy day.

I’ve been covered by dark, tumultuous clouds for over half a year. Clouds ranging from light and patchy to dark and stormy.  The clouds have always been there and blanketed my life in varying degrees of suffocation.  The sky was never clear no matter how sunny it was. My mind always somewhat foggy.

I didn’t realize how much my father’s cancer had changed my life until I got the unexpected shocking news last week that it is in remission.  And slowly, over the last several days the clouds began to lift. I saw the beauty of life once again.

I began to notice the sunlight shining through my windows each morning again. I began to fall asleep at night. I began to wake up each morning without a sense of unexplainable dread. My mind, my body and my soul reawakened. I was finally me again. The me who I’d missed and thought I’d lost had finally come back. And I am so glad to be back. I missed my happy, energetic self. The person who loves to laugh, to smile, to enjoy life and to love. I didn’t like the person I’d become. The smile turned downwards, the energy soaked away, the constant headaches and need to avoid the things in life I’d always loved.

I’m ready for the clouds to rise and hopefully be able to weather the storm once again if it comes, but this time stronger and wiser than before.

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35 comments on “The Clouds have Lifted

  1. Pingback: Sunshine on a Poopy Day | Love, Support, Educate, Advocate, Accept...

  2. Julie S
    February 14, 2014

    Hi,
    I didn’t catch your name but I really love reading your blog. This post was outstanding. I especially loved the Anne Frank quote you started with, the photos – the reflection in the water, the header image looking over the tips of your hiking shoes, and all the others too. Most of all I loved the closing thought about being able to weather the storm if it comes once again, this time stronger and wiser than before! Please accept the Sunshine award to recognise great work that is full of life! http://advocacyautismspecialneeds.wordpress.com/2014/02/14/sunshine-on-a-poopy-day/
    (don’t worry it’s only a poopy day because we’re potty training :-) )
    Sincerely,
    Julie

    • thirdeyemom
      February 16, 2014

      Thank you so much! I will check this out Julie! I also write two other blogs, my main blog being called thirdeyemom. This blog is kind of my secret place where I write about what I want! :) Thank you so much. I’ll move over and check out this award. Nicole

  3. LuAnn
    February 17, 2014

    I suspect you could weather any storm that came your way Nicole, with much grace.

    • thirdeyemom
      February 22, 2014

      I’m not sure about that LuAnn but I’m trying. I won’t say it has not been a very very hard six months where I haven’t been myself. But I’m much better now. :)

      • LuAnn
        February 23, 2014

        :D

  4. thirdeyemom
    September 15, 2014

    Reblogged this on Thirdeyemom and commented:

    I’ve tried hard to keep my blog as far away possible from my inner personal being. Sometimes there are things in life that are hard to share especially when they are painful. Yet I look back at a post I wrote on a tiny little blog I started last year (more of a diary that is left behind like a lost toy) and realize how hard the last year of my life was for me emotionally.
    Fast forward to this fall, and once again we heard good news. A year ago, I was covered in dark clouds not knowing how on earth I would make it through to see the light. But the clouds have lifted and once again continue to remain free, hopeful and full of light. I will treasure my quote for a reminder of how we should live and experience our lives.

    “Every Day is a Gift. That is why we call it the Present”.

  5. scillagrace
    September 15, 2014

    My late husband had kind of a mantra he used before his death at 47: “Pain is inevitable; misery is optional.” My youngest daughter now has that tattooed above her heart. Anne Frank would understand.

  6. A Maine Mama
    September 15, 2014

    My blog has followed much the same path these last few months, having made up my mind that year 42 would be one of positive and powerful change for this Maine Mama. No longer would the old wounds hold me down, or a bad day ruin a moment with my boys, or a doubt or frustration take anything from me. Easier said than done…but then, writing has always been such a personal part of my life and it’s impossible not to reveal a little bit of my inner self for my writing to be honest! Enjoying the present…thoroughly!

  7. swo8
    September 15, 2014

    Amen to that!
    Leslie

  8. Amy
    September 16, 2014

    I have been thinking about your father since you mentioned about his cancer. You eloquent post remind us how we should live and every day is a gift. Thank you, Nicole!

    • thirdeyemom
      September 16, 2014

      Thanks Amy! Yes, we need to embrace life and the ones we love. Love and life are the greatest gifts of all.

  9. Lola Jane
    September 16, 2014

    So glad you shared this on your main site, Nicole, and thankful for your blog. I think I will carry a card with that sentiment… “Every Day is a Gift. That is why we call it the Present”.

    We do all experience rain, storms, typhoons even…but clouds lift, sunshine comes again, it is life.

    • thirdeyemom
      September 16, 2014

      Thanks Lola. Hard to share such personal thoughts and feelings sometimes. Like most people, I’ve had my share of highs and lows. We just remember the highs that keep us moving ahead and smiling.

  10. lensandpensbysally
    September 16, 2014

    That’s uplifting news for your family and you.

    • thirdeyemom
      September 16, 2014

      Yes. It is hard to live with uncertainty but then again life is all about uncertainty isn’t it. If you worry and think too much about it, you would hide away under your covers forever. I’m very relieved. I am very very close to my family.

  11. lolakojane
    September 16, 2014

    So glad you shared this on your main site, Nicole, and thankful for your blog. I think I will carry a card with that sentiment… “Every Day is a Gift. That is why we call it the Present”.

    We do all experience rain, storms & typhoons even…but clouds lift, sunshine comes again, it is life. Good to remember especially when in the midst of being drenched.

    (Sorry if you received duplicates of this comment, I seem to be having some tech issues with submit button this evening)

  12. Andrew Seal
    September 16, 2014

    I am so happy for you Nicole that the clouds have lifted and the news is good. Your inner beauty and strength comes shining through. “Every Day is a Gift” you say. The gift is the one you give to us through your writing and your “humanity”. In friendship and admiration…Andrew

    • thirdeyemom
      September 16, 2014

      Oh Andrew. You always make me feel good about myself with your warm comments. Thank you so much.

      As we know, life is hard. We may not have the same challenges of the people around the world living in poverty, war and disease, but we all still have hard things in life. Thanks again for your kind words.

  13. Hi Nicole, this is an amazing post. All the best wishes to your father and that he gets completely well very soon. I can understand how you felt; my boyfriend’s mom died of cancer twelve years ago, only three months after we had become a couple. My own mom had a very rare kind of cancer ten years ago, but is fortunately completely well again. Best wishes to you and your family, Vanessa.

    • thirdeyemom
      September 16, 2014

      Thanks Vanessa for the nice comment. It is so hard to deal with the ups and downs of cancer. So much uncertainty, so many tests, so many highs and lows and fears and joys.

  14. fugitivewoman99
    September 17, 2014

    Inspired by your beautiful words, I hope, that one day, I can feel the clouds have lifted for me also.x

    • thirdeyemom
      September 18, 2014

      Thanks. It takes time, but with effort and work, the heart does heal. xxx

  15. fugitivewoman99
    September 17, 2014

    I wish you health, joy and many years of enjoying the bounties that this world and Mother Nature herself has to offer us. Sometimes in my most darkest and bleakest of moments, it felt like the sun would never shine again, but if one clings to hope and a dogged resilience to fight the demons of misery, only then can we start to feel the warm rays of happiness permeate our souls. You are the embodiment of such a spirit. Best Wishes to you .. A

    • thirdeyemom
      September 18, 2014

      Thank you for the wonderful comment! I appreciate it.

  16. restlessjo
    September 19, 2014

    Smiling inside or not, Nicole, you’ve managed to shoulder through it, and isn’t it wonderful to be out the other side? That shaft of light and hope is just beautiful. It’s a great quote. I’m happy for you, and for Dad. :)

  17. anotherday2paradise
    September 19, 2014

    I really feel for you, Nicole. I remember how I felt when I suddenly learned that my father had cancer. It was as though a huge dark cloud had descended, threatening to block out the sun’s rays. I’m happy for you that you’re feeling more positive now, and wish you, your dad and the rest of your family, peace and joy, even in times of trial. *hugs* Sylvia

    • thirdeyemom
      September 26, 2014

      Thanks so much Sylvia! :) Appreciate all your support over the years! Means a lot!

  18. Painting with Bob
    September 19, 2014

    It’s easy to say, “Keep the faith,” and “Chin up. It’ll get better.” Tough love kinds of statements, like these, are never appropriate. Dr. Joyce Brothers once wrote that what persons need in tough times are hugs, empathy, and help. To get through whatever!

    • thirdeyemom
      September 26, 2014

      Thanks so much for the sincere comment! Yes you are indeed right. :)

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This entry was posted on February 13, 2014 by in BODY, MIND & SOUL, Illness, Inspiration, RANDOM THOUGHTS and tagged , , , .
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