The Diary of a Happy Mom: 40 and Beyond

The trials and tribulations of an adventurous modern mom

Today I promise to accept what I cannot change

Today I promise to accept what I cannot change. 

Minnesota Spring Flower

Today is an extremely hard day. The reality of my dad’s cancer has set in and I am numb. I hurt everywhere – my head, my stomach, my heart and my soul. I feel empty inside. I feel so much pain.

My emotions have been so insanely intense that at times I don’t know my left from my right. I have felt everything. Pain. Anxiety. Anger, Fear, Sorrow and a deep, heavy sadness that is suffocating my soul. Taking away my smile.

Minnesota Spring Flower

I know I need to be brave. I need to be strong and stay focused on the positive. But the reality of what is before my dad, my family and me, is hard to fathom. The next four to six months of chemotherapy is going to be a roller coaster of a ride filled with ups and downs. The downs are what will tear me away. But I know I can’t let cancer win. I can’t let it destroy me too. My dad needs me more than ever and if he can continue to be so amazingly positive and inspiring even at the worst moment of his life, than so can I.

The cancer is aggressive but there is treatment. There is hope. And thankfully my dad is so incredibly fit and strong despite the cancer (he is hiking a 13,000 foot mountain right now in Arizona!) he is fortunate that he will be able to take the strongest, most aggressive treatment possible to destroy the cancer within his body.

Spring Peony

I survived one of the worst times of my life when I was in darkness and pain. Almost nine years ago tomorrow on my son’s birthday 11/11/04  I remember the fear that almost took my life. It took three terrifying months to break free from the postpartum anxiety and depression that resulted from a high risk pregnancy and hard labor. Three long months where I could hardly function let alone take care of a newborn baby. But I pulled through. I made it and became even stronger and happier because of it. I survived and I will survive again.

Mornings and evenings have been especially tough. I am not sure why. Perhaps it is all the uncertainty that I must wake up to as the sun rises each day that leads to my despair. But when I look into the warm, beautiful eyes of my children and husband I am filled with  so much love and happiness that I remember why I’m here. I am instantly reminded that I’ve got to try harder to be strong.  My family needs me more than ever before.

I will fight. I am a fighter. We will win this battle and fight as hard as we humanly can.

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4 comments on “Today I promise to accept what I cannot change

  1. Janice Heck
    November 10, 2013

    Peace. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I have felt this pain in my life, too. Thankfully, I have found better times. I pray for peace and hope for you and your family.

    • thirdeyemom
      November 11, 2013

      Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. Yes, it is so hard and it helps to know that others have gone through it before and are doing much better! I will keep this in my heart and soul. My dad needs me to be strong and I will. Thank you.

  2. Linda
    November 11, 2013

    Hugs…

    • thirdeyemom
      November 11, 2013

      Thanks Linda. Life has been so hard but now that I’ve come to terms with a new outlook I feel a bit better. Got to for my kids, my mom and most of all, my dad. He needs me to be strong and his cheerleader so I will. I’m lucky I can go out there often to help. But know it will be very hard to see him like this.

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This entry was posted on November 10, 2013 by in BODY, MIND & SOUL, Illness, Inspiration and tagged , , , , , , .
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