The Diary of a Happy Mom: 40 and Beyond

The trials and tribulations of an adventurous modern mom

Today I’m moving on

Today happens to be a very special day. It is my son Max’s 9th birthday. Nine years ago at 6:51 pm I delivered my first child and became a mother. Words can never explain how much that moment changed my life.  Becoming a mother has been the most amazing gift I’ve ever received. Two years and four days later, I delivered my second child, Sophia, born on November 15th, 2006. Once again I was blessed with the most incredible gift a person could ever receive. Having my children has brought unbelievable joy and gratitude to my life. I would give my life to protect them and I fill them with as much love, strength, knowledge and compassion as humanly possible.

Photo of me, Max and Sophia taken on Mother's Day 2012.

Photo of me, Max and Sophia taken on Mother’s Day 2012.

This is how I was raised by my parents who are still happily, lovingly together after 46 years of marriage. My parents are my center. Where my mother is my tree to hold on to and love, my father is my rock.

Today I woke up for the zillionth time in a row at 5 am, in darkness and anxiety of whirling thoughts, and I made a decision. I am not going to let cancer kill my soul. Today, I’m moving on.

Here is what I wrote in a Facebook post to my friends:

Today I decided that I am going to be STRONG. I was devastated by the news that my father’s cancer has spread and the next 4-6 months of chemo ahead will be excruciatingly challenging for us all – our bodies, our minds and our souls. But I am NOT GIVING UP. My dad is the most amazing, inspiring and positive person I know. In fact he is climbing a mountain today before his chemo starts. 

The road ahead will be very very hard. I will need support in different ways. Not at school. I am not going to cry anymore. I am going to sing. I am going to be a fighter. I am strong. We will overcome this. We will climb mountains together again. 

Just need to let my friends know where we are. I need words of wisdom and inspiration right now. Not “I’m so sorry”. He can beat this. The doctor said. But it is going to be a long long difficult journey that we are ready to face 

Thank you friends.

I’ve come to terms that the journey ahead will be the hardest journey me and my family have ever faced. But I will do whatever it takes to kick cancer in the ass. It is not going to take away my fighting soul and spirit. I am moving on with fists and legs ready to kick, punch and fight this b*stard to the ground.

Yes I’m very angry right now about the five months of wasted time and the many mistakes and misdiagnosis in my dad’s treatment. His primary care doctor could seriously be sued for his malpractice. But I’ve decided I cannot let anger eat me up and I can no longer ask the “what if” they caught it earlier as they should have given the signs.

It is what it is. We are here now. There is no going back. And today, I’m moving forward and ready to fight.

If my dad can climb a 13,000 foot mountain today before he starts his chemo, than so can I.

My dad and I at Thorong-La Pass in Nepal, the highest point of the Annapurna Trek. 2010.

My dad and I at Thorong-La Pass in Nepal, the highest point of the Annapurna Trek. 2010.

4 comments on “Today I’m moving on

  1. Madhu
    November 15, 2013

    Your dad is amazing! With that spirit, he can move mountains, let alone climb them. And good for you Nicole. Together you have a good chance of beating this. Take care. Love and hugs 🙂

    • thirdeyemom
      November 25, 2013

      Thanks Madhu. I leave for Arizona tomorrow to see him. He starts chemo tomorrow too. A stressful time of year but am remaining positive.

      • Madhu
        November 25, 2013

        My thoughts and prayers are with you Nicole. Take care. Hugs.

      • thirdeyemom
        December 1, 2013

        Oh thanks. It is hard. He only had one round so far. Cancer is certainly a horrid disease. Thanks for your wishes. 🙂

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This entry was posted on November 11, 2013 by in BODY, MIND & SOUL, Illness, Inspiration and tagged , , , , , , , .
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